I don’t mind growing old. I really don’t. What scares the hell out of me though is realising one day that I failed to seize opportunities. The thought that something is over and will never happen again as it first did drives me insane. That’s why I’m a lot more outspoken than a few years ago and have a go at as many things as possible.
I remember the first time the notion of time occurred to me was when I was five or six. I tried set my watch three hours backwards so I could live twice the same event. To finish me off, I also realised I didn’t have any super power. Some time later, I understood that as I was alive, I’d have to die eventually. No wonder why I wasn’t such a happy child.
This brings Eric to my mind. We were at the same school. He was very cute, a bit older than me and I suspected he was gay. My gaydar was already fine tuned then I guess. Of course, even though we chatted every time we bumped into each other, I never dared to ask him out or even for a coffee. I suppose I was waiting for him to make the first step, which would be the start of a happy long term relationship, like in the Hollywood movies I was watching then. He had a fatal accident a few months later and I never had a chance to get to know him as I wanted. Ironically I became very good friends with his step sister who told me he liked me. Besides his death, the other difficult part is that I’ll never know what could have happened between us.